What's with the poems?

Well my grandfather got sick with lung cancer and I took it upon myself to take care of him. I watched him die on what would have been my fathers 59th birthday. Came home, couldn't pick up the knitting needles, I could not knit through it. Found out after Thanksgiving my cat(son) had hyperthyroidism. Still unable to knit. Found a lump on my other cat(daughter), freaked out took both to vet for various reasons after Christmas. Found out he had cancer, carcinoma to be exact, and didn't have long. Couldn't knit. Son has since died, daughter had her lumps removed and she is fine, our son sent us a new angel that has everyone personalities and is helping us get through these though times. I am sad to say I knit only what I had to, I mad my nephew a snowman hat for Christmas, my mom's boyfriend potholders and oven mitts and I just now finished another hat for my nephew. It has been easier for me to get through all my loss to just write. I write letters to my dad and grandfather to help ease the pain ( a friend who lost her father at a younger age than me suggested it and it does work). I also put my feeling to paper in the way of poems. If anyone doesn't like me posting my poems here and would rather me make a new blog just for my poems, please let me know. Also if anyone knows how I can get out of my knitting funk, please let me know.

knitting for charity

When my dad died December 16, 2006 I thought it was the end of the world. I had no clue what to do. I was only 21 and my dad was so young. I felt like I hadn't had enough time with him, and I wished I had never been mean to him. I didn't think I would ever get through it, and I never thought the pain would stop. I thought absolutely nothing could help me.

I talked to my mom and a friend who had lost their father, but it didn't make me feel any better. Then January came. I went into my local yarn shop (LYS), Finely a knitting party, and she was doing a charity. Knitted baby hats for sick kids at CHOP. I thought "why not", took her several different patterns, and some yarn, and went home. I sat down and started to knit, slowly at first and then faster and faster as I thought about losing my dad and how much it hurt to lose him.

I knit one hat, then two, then three, then four. By the end of the fourth hat I had ran out of time to knit anymore for the CHOP charity. I handed them in, but wanted to do more to help, so I went into my stash and knit four more to put away for the next year. They never made it to the next year, I started to give them to people at the knitting shop I knew were having a baby or a grand baby. (As it turned out, the January charity changed from CHOP hats to slippers for interim house so at least the hats went to a baby who could wear it.)April came, and again I put down my projects and picked up a pattern and yarn from the LYS, this time for dishcloths for nursing homes, I made three for the nursing home and 3 or four for my nephew who was yet to be born. September came, and it was pumpkin hat time, I only had time to make one for CHOP in the middle of all my Christmas knitting which I had started in June, and might I say I knit quite a lot for Christmas last year.

As I knit these items for charity, my nephew, and other family members, I noticed I wasn't crying quiet as much. I was still very sad and it still hurt that I lost him, but everything seemed easier. I realized I was knitting through, the hurt, the sadness, and even the anger. Almost a year and a half later, the pain and sadness is still there, but I have learned how to live and knit with it. In fact I have learned to knit through all pain, might it be a hurt shoulder, or being in the hospital, the knitting seems to help. I actually can't stand when I can't be knitting, especially because my stomach hurts so much from who knows what that I can't even concentrate on something as simple as knit one row, purl one row.

I plan to keep knitting for my family, and for charity. I am always trying to find a great AIDS charity to knit for, since I know and knew people with the disease and I wanted to help them in anyway possible, even if it was something as simple as a knitted hat, scarf, or mittens, just to give them something that would remind them that someone out there cared about them, even though they don't know them, and hopefully put a smile on there face. Knitting is definitely a cure for just about everything.

The first four hats I made for CHOP.